


To bloom under neon lights

by bpearl



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cyberpunk AU, Dirty Talk, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Smut, kind of lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:07:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bpearl/pseuds/bpearl
Summary: Jongin have always loved performing, finding solace in the art of dancing and singing while the world around him succumbed to the worst facets of late capitalism. The issue was, as much as Jongin loved what he did, he despised being forced upon.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48
Collections: monthlysekai's Re: KAI





	To bloom under neon lights

**Author's Note:**

> monthlysekai's Challenge #3 — Re: KAI with 음 (Mmmh) MV and FILM:KAI
> 
> this is my poor attempt at a cyberpunk fic, pls dont expect much lol
> 
> thank you N for encouraging me to join this round, i wouldn't have come this far without your words of encouragement <3 also, thank you mods for your hard work to make this awesome challege happen!

The hard glass felt cold against Jongin's temple as he looked down at the mass of concrete buildings and ant sized crowds walking around cramped streets in a rush. Always in a rush. It was still 8AM, so the sun shone bright on the common skyscrapers that had huge letter signs and holograms on display. In the night was when they truly made their glory, painting the city with colourful neon lights. For now, only blandness and decay took over. Jongin could barely remember the last time he saw a natural blue sky. Nowadays, only the rich could either pay for an artificial one inside their vast dome condos or travel to very specific tropical lands far away from there when the pollution wasn't so bad. For the vast majority of the population, that was purely a distant, unattainable dream.

Among the cloudless gray sky, massive cargo crafts connected by hundreds of loose electrical wires stood still in the air. The visible rust on the edges of many gave away just how long they had been abandoned up there, probably by another bankrupted transportation company. In the distance, Jongin witnessed the colossal silver wheels that floated above the outskirts of the city. Those intimidating machines were responsible for generating enough power to keep the suburb functioning for those who could afford. He wasn't sure how many of them still worked, though.

The sky was busy and by the looks of it, his private flying car was already approaching its destination, which only worsened the headache that Jongin already felt coming. Probably ten or fifteen minutes were left before he had to get off, so he settled on continuing to contemplate whether it had been truly necessary to leave the comfort of his home today while other cars flew by. Truthfully, the man was aware that he had no other choice whatsoever, this had always been a requirement for what he was paid to do, after all.

Jongin was a performer.

No, he was a performer under the frightening SM Corp., which came with its own implications. SM Corp. was the biggest and most powerful corporation in the continent and their brand was “Innovation promotes success”, so to merely perform wasn't enough. SM Corp. was known to be very strict with their artists, who always had to cater to the general public and to what was trending at the moment. It was demanded that Jongin always showed the audience something brand new, something to constantly keep them interested and ready to spend their fortunes on.

It wasn't merely what he did on the stage, but the way he looked was just as important for the corporation. Because of that rather futile principle, which, ironically, wasn't uncommon amid the industry, Jongin needed to update his appearance and body gadgets at every new set of performances he did. 

For this month's concept, the dancer chose a bright neon green hair and invisible tattoos that only appear under purple lights to feature on himself. However, being the main act of Elyxion, one of the most famous clubs run by SM Corp, meant equally large sacrifices. 

Along with that external, harmless makeover, Jongin also had to replace his former shoulder implant, as well as plant defining gears on his abs and back to make the muscles stronger and more desirable.

Not only that, but the dancer still had to fix the worn out metal plates on his hip bones, knees and feet. Since Jongin had to be up and active basically 24/7 during the performing season, those plates were implanted so that his bones could handle the fatigue. Because his legs were already part robotic, his thighs also had to be taken care of with injections to prevent soreness. The dancer always needed the maintenance every five weeks.

Jongin has always loved performing, finding solace in the art of dancing and singing while the world succumbed to the worst facets of neo capitalism. A bare glimpse of him was enough to drive the audience insane, so he could say that yes, he was pretty successful in his field. The issue was, as much as Jongin loved what he did, he still felt like there was something missing.

A ringing sound broke his train of self doubt.

Jongin read the name "Chanyeol" that appeared in his vision and immediately answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey man, how are you doing?" Chanyeol's deep voice resonated in his ears.

"Hi Chanyeol, I'm almost there. Sorry for being late, the traffic is pretty bad up here today" Jongin tried to explain.

"No, it's fine, uh..." Jongin sensed Chanyeol's hesitation. "Listen, the thing is, something came up and I'll have to leave the city for a couple of days. One of my clients next town crushed his mechanical legs and needs urgent assistance."

Jongin's eyes widened.

"How did that happen?" he asked in surprise.

"He said something about a poor measured jump off a building." Chanyeol explained, doing nothing to clear Jongin's confusion, however. "Yeah, he's a dumbass."

The dancer chuckled.

"Anyways, don't worry about the session. I have my best apprentice there at the clinic to work on your implants, his name is Oh Sehun. He's, like, one of the most skilled medchanics I've ever trained so it should be fine." Jongin frowned.

"Isn't it better to reschedule it?" the dancer anxiously suggested.

Chanyeol's the guy who's been responsible for Jongin's implants for 8 years now and he's only been under someone else's care twice. Needless to say, they did a way worse job than him. The gadgets were fine but the man was left with bruises for weeks, so his uneasiness was plausible. Those procedures were already too aggressive as they were, so Jongin preferred to exclusively have Chanyeol's hands working on him. He always felt less pain that way.

"I'm sorry, Jongin, I'll be away for a while and my agenda's gonna be packed once I return." After hearing those words, Jongin could feel his head pulsating as the headache from before slowly turned into a migraine. "But hey, trust me. Sehun's good. He's got the potential to beat me, even."

Well, Jongin doubted so, but agreed anyway as dread filled him. The next few minutes were spent on mentally preparing for the pain he was about to feel that day.

\--

To say Jongin was taken aback when he first put his eyes on that Sehun guy was a complete understatement. The man was absolutely mesmerizing. Nowadays, there were plenty of surgeries one could get to look beautiful, but Jongin had never come across someone with a face so perfect.

From their introductions, Jongin still couldn't help but notice the intricate features of the man who was now replacing his spiky shoulder gadgets for shiny new ones. Pastel pink hair strongly contrasted with the several tattoos decorating his flesh.

"Forever love?" Jongin read the huge, bold words tattooed on the pale skin of Sehun's neck.

Save for the buzz coming from the equipment and the punk rock song playing in the background of the studio, Jongin's voice was the first to break the quietness between them since the session had started. From the get go, Sehun appeared to be quite reserved, settled on speaking only when he was required to do so. Normally, Jongin would appreciate the silence, since he wasn't fond of carrying small talk with strangers, but something inside him urged to get to know that man at least a little. Also, Chanyeol always made sure to keep a conversation going during their long sessions in order to distract Jongin from the pain of the procedures, so the man kind of missed that.

Seeming somewhat taken aback by the sudden noise, Sehun's slightly confused frown softened as Jongin's words started to make sense in his brain.

"Ah, yes" Sehun's own fingertips traced the ink. "My favourite one."

Jongin's gaze was fixed on the way Sehun's hand softly enveloped the tattooed skin as he spoke.

"You don't seem to have any." it was Sehun's turn to point out. Finally, the perfect opportunity Jongin was hoping for.

"Actually I do, they're part of my performance this season." Sehun looked curious.

"Oh, you perform?" He asked while fixing his protective glasses. Jongin nodded. "That's cool, never done an artist before."

Jongin understood what Sehun meant, but that didn't manage to make him any less flustered at the choice of words. Sehun, on the other hand, seemed totally unaware of his effect on the dancer, continuing to do his work.

"Wait, are these for the performance as well? All of these implants?" The medchanic asked in genuine curiosity.

Jongin hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth to speak.

"Yeah. You know how it is with SM Corp." Jongin let out a dry laugh.

Sehun slowly nodded while humming in contemplation. With his hands pressing carefully onto Jongin's former implants, the man seemed concerned.

"You change them every season?" Sehun's voice was tender, as if apprehensive to cross any lines he should stay away.

Jongin, on the other hand, didn't mind Sehun's interest at all. However, a very familiar feeling in his gut seemed desperate to switch topics. The way those metal parts negatively affected his body in the long run was something the dancer wasn't ready to think about just yet. Someday, the man knew he would need to face this terrible fact, but at that moment, his mind was set only on how pretty Sehun looked with his sleeves rolled up, holding a giant laser scalpel and fixing his face shield with a slight pout in his lips.

"I do. Actually, why don't you come to Elyxion next Friday to watch it? 11PM, my treat." Jongin asked, trying his best to smile through the discomfort of a sharp metal tool piercing through his muscles.

At that, Sehun snorted.

"Mmmh, that's way past my bedtime." Teased the man while returning his attention to forging the metal wires on Jongin's arm.

"But we'll see." That last part almost slipped past Jongin's ears.

The next three hours went by quicker than Jongin expected. After that first little push from the dancer, they continued to chat throughout the entire rest of the session, both taking turns on dropping flirtatious hints at one another.

Jongin left the clinic with this weird but exciting feeling in his chest. The tension that trapped him when he first got there hours before was long gone, all thanks to Sehun.

\--

A week went by in a rush of rehearsals and last minute affairs to solve. The usual restlessness before the first day of every new season marked its strong presence on Jongin. Surprisingly, the bruises from Sehun’s implants were minimal and he could move smoothly throughout the whole act, which was pretty impressive for the work of an apprentice. The dancer would have to make sure to tell Chanyeol about how great of a job Sehun did later.

A faint sense of regret for not asking for the medchanic’s number weighed down on his chest, but Jongin promptly brushed that thought aside as there were more urgent matters to tend to. 

He looked around the currently empty venue and his insides burned with anticipation for tonight. In merely a few hours that massive place was going to be jam-packed by those who wished to see the one and only KAI, his stage persona. All the hard work would come down to that exhilarating moment when the curtains are up, the dark stage is filled with smoke and the slow melody of the first song reaches Jongin’s ears. From that point ahead, the performer would be completely lost in euphoria.

And so it went on.

\--

It all started somber.

A figure dressed in casual attire lied lifelessly on the drenched floor of the main stage, wet from head to toe. The stage consisted of three silver platforms that easily defeated gravity as they stood in the air due to dozens of silent propellers installed underneath. Contrasting with the white buttoned up shirt, black high waisted trousers and pair of suspenders, the mysterious person had its head covered with a beige cloth bag with long strings tied tightly around their neck.

For a moment, there was no movement. Books, candles and a variety of foods were scattered around the set, spiking up the curiosity of the audience as to what exactly they were looking at.

As the music started to flow out of the giant speakers around the club, the man suddenly started to get up and dance along. Resembling an old style called “modern” dance a couple of hundreds of years ago, the choreography was at the same time strong and mellow. Water splashed around the stage at each move, conquering loud screams from the audience.

Only the crowd’s roar could be heard the moment when the stranger revealed his face.

It was no one else but the star of the night, the long awaited KAI, who now stood right in the center of the stage, throwing the cloth bag far into the faceless mass of people and taking in the sight of such a large group of admirers.

The point in which KAI started to move once again was when the atmosphere turned ecstatic, since now not only one KAI could be seen and heard, but dozens of holographic clones appeared all around the venue behind the colourful smoke. To parallel KAI's concept super power, which was teletransportation, all of the clones disappeared in order for the apparent original KAI to run directly to the audience and suddenly vanish into thin air just as he made a move to jump on everyone there.

Soon enough, the club was taken over by dark purple lights and neon LED lasers just as the place began to pump with a heavy hip hop bass. The dancer came into sight once again already inside a giant glass box floating right above the crowd, so that everyone could have a clear sight of the artist. KAI's powerful aura exuded from him as he sat on a throne inside the glass walls like the king he was idealized to be, left knee pulled up and head tipped to the side in a laid back manner.

If KAI's first act seemed dark and mysterious, the second one radiated boldness. Jongin's neon green mullet could be seen under a white snapback and his invisible tattoos were now on full display as he rocked a white jacket with nothing underneath and matching low waisted pants. His father’s drawings adorned his bare chest, all the way to his arms and hands. With a golden chain that read ‘KAI’ sitting heavy on his neck, a smirk was all the performer needed to tie up the fresh look. As he proceeded to get up and take off his jacket, revealing all of his shiny trio chromed implants, the audience went wild.

In times like this, when Jongin seemed completely drunk on the screams and the heat surrounding him as he showed himself, the man surrendered himself entirely to KAI. Willingly and naturally, as if he's always been him.

Lost in the haze, Jongin devoted all of his strength on delivering the best performance his body allowed him to. Sharp moves that seemed effortless and a honey like voice, which shifted between sweet melodies and powerful rap sections, remained solid from beginning to end.

Once again, without a single doubt, KAI killed it with no regrets left behind.

\--

Six songs and four outfit changes later, Jongin was already bowing his goodbyes to the crowd.

While slowly coming down from the high of the performance, the dancer focused on catching his breath and wiping away the sweat on his skin. Dozens of people had already made their way backstage to congratulate his successful first performance of the season, so he tried his best to give them the attention they wanted despite the tiredness.

It didn't take long for Jongin to finally escape the room with an armful of gifts and head straight to his private suite on the club's upper floor. From there, it was possible to have a clear view of the whole venue that was currently filled with hundreds of dancing bodies. Droids were flying up and down serving glow in the dark drinks to the premium regulars of Elyxion, while others entertained the crowd. Leaning on the balcony, Jongin sighed.

Sehun was nowhere to be seen.

\--

“THANK YOU, ELYXION!” A week later, Jongin’s words of appreciation echoed on the packed venue after wrapping up another outstanding show.

The audience roared back as Jongin waved with a huge smile plastered on his face.

However, as much as his heart was full, the man could feel the exhaustion creeping in by the way his hips were hurting when he left the stage. Performing five times a week for four entire weeks always took a toll on the dancer even with the support of his mechanical implants. Of course, it was only the second week and he already wouldn’t even be able to stabilize himself up without them at this point.

There weren’t as many people waiting for him behind the stage that night, so Jongin quickly headed upstairs to his regular resting room. He usually stayed there for the rest of the evening whenever his muscles were too worn out to move, which was exactly the case right then.

While walking along the club’s corridors, a tall figure with a very familiar pastel pink hair leaning on the chromed backstage walls made Jongin immediately stop in his tracks. The least Jongin was expecting was for Oh Sehun to actually be there at Elyxion, waving at him from afar. Different from how professional he looked during their session, the man was now stunning in a bright red bomber jacket, double waisted chained jeans and lots of accessories decorating his neck and thin wrists.

“You came!” Jongin spoke loudly in Sehun’s ears as he got closer. The latter nodded quickly and smiled.

Leaning towards the dancer’s jawline, Sehun couldn’t hold his praises.

“You were incredible tonight.” Jongin chuckled in return.

"I'm flattered." Jongin replied, feeling the strong drum of his heart over the loud EDM music playing on the speakers.

They stared into each other’s eyes as Jongin got a hold of Sehun’s wrist.

“Let’s go upstairs, it’s quieter.” Jongin suggested.

Sehun nodded in agreement, allowing the other to lead the way.

\--

Under the bright lights from the suite, a couple of healing cuts on Sehun’s chin and traces of a fading black eye were now visible on the otherwise smooth skin of the man’s face.

“What happened to you?” Jongin sounded alarmed, immediately reaching for the bruises.

Sehun hissed and softly grabbed Jongin’s hand to stop him from pressing onto the skin any further. Hesitating for a moment, the man tried his best to come up with a decent answer.

“I just...got into a small fight. It's nothing.” Sehun attempted to smile in reassurance.

Nonetheless, the dancer was skeptical.

“Oh Sehun, what secrets are you hiding?” Jongin’s lips curved up teasingly as he spoke. “Are you a thug or something?” At that, Sehun barked out an amused laugh.

Jongin couldn’t help but pay attention to the way Sehun’s eyes turned into crescents when he smiled that big. Cute.

“No, Jongin. I’m just a medchanic.” Sehun replied timidly, interlacing his fingers with Jongin’s as the latter walked both of them towards the large couch that decorated the luxurious, but minimalistic, room.

Before they could even reach the sofa, Jongin turned to place both of his hands on each side of Sehun’s head, leaning in for an urgent kiss. Sehun reciprocated the neediness as he moaned into the dancer’s mouth, urging him to remove his own jacket and shirt.

Jongin gladly did so, dropping the articles of clothing on the soft blue carpet as they stumbled towards the nearest wall. Trapping Sehun against the concrete, Jongin roamed his hands all over the medchanic’s body, settling on kneading on his buttcheeks from under his underwear. Sehun didn’t seem to mind it at all, deciding to open his legs wider to grant the performer further access to his growing erection.

“Please, Jongin.”

Those words seemed to fuel Jongin’s want as he mouthed on the other’s exposed nipples, causing soft whines to leave his lips. The dancer happily drank away the delicious noises, moving up to pin Sehun’s wrists on the wall right above his head while proceeding to place open mouthed kisses to the taller’s neck. Completely high on the way they savoured each other, Sehun could only exasperatedly grind back on Jongin’s hips as a familiar heat coiled tightly in his groin.

Noticing how aroused Sehun already was, Jongin quickly got a hold of the man’s still clothed member, moving his hand in an excruciatingly slow pace. Sehun immediately reacted, dropping his head on Jongin’s shoulder as he mewled obscenely.

“Ah, Jongin.” Sehun whined.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Jongin provoked, speeding up his movements on Sehun's dick.

"Y-your mouth. Please." At those words, Jongin wasted no time as he kneeled right in front of Sehun, unzipping his trousers and gladly taking his neglected cock into his mouth.

Sehun's dick was long with a little curve at the tip, and Jongin made sure to fit in the length as much as he could. Swirling his tongue over the head, Jongin batted his eyelashes as he looked up at Sehun, who now gazed at the performer with his mouth agape.

"Fuck." Sehun lifted his left leg and placed it over Jongin's shoulder.

Looking up, Jongin understood the idea instantly and flipped Sehun around to lick between his cheeks. His insides burned when Sehun's pink hole came to sight. Jongin licked an experimental stripe and felt Sehun shiver in anticipation. It seemed like the soreness in his bones had disappeared the moment when they first connected their lips together. Now, the only thing in Jongin's mind was making Sehun feel good.

Gaining confidence by how Sehun moaned his name at each wet graze of tongue, Jongin went on and started to fuck Sehun with it. The medchanic sounded delirious, not even minding to conceal his own cries of pleasure at all.

Using his free hand to touch Sehun's rock hard member and the other to spread his cheek, Jongin let go of the length and proceeded to insert a finger into Sehun's already abused hole. His legs trembled at each digit filling him in.

Noticing that Sehun might've already been too tired to hold himself up, Jongin finally led them to the leathered couch, making the taller lay on his belly with an arched back. Jongin took their remaining clothes off in swift moves, leaving only his own underwear on. Before going down on Sehun again, the dancer hovered over him and started to languidly roll his hips on the swell of the other's ass, groaning lowly into the man's ear. Soft lips came in contact with his once more, desperate for a taste.

The friction felt amazing, but Jongin had other plans for Sehun.

Fisting the man's pink locks, Jongin pulled them back harshly so his lips were right by Sehun's right ear.

"I could make you come just like this, couldn't I? With my tongue." Jongin whispered, nibbing on Sehun's neck.

The taller failed to formulate a cohesive response and only moaned a broken agreement.

"Do you want my tongue, Sehun? Use your words, baby." The dancer was eager to hear how wrecked the other sounded for him.

"Yes! Please, Jongin." Sehun cried out.

Immediately repositioning himself on Sehun's bottom after hearing those words, Jongin slapped a palm across the other's left cheek, earning a loud moan from the man underneath him. Caressing the skin, the dancer went back to sucking and kissing Sehun's rim, only stopping when long white stripes stained the sofa right beneath the taller's crotch. As expected, Sehun came untouched.

Jongin turned the man around and kissed him deeply, pressing gently on his waist. They stayed like that for a while, merely caressing each other's skin as they made out.

When the feeling of laying on drying come was much too uncomfortable, Jongin finally got up to grab some wet tissues he kept inside a drawer in the bathroom.

"I'll be right back." He reassured Sehun. The latter only nodded, still in a post-orgasmic haze.

In the restroom, Jongin opened the second drawer and noticed a tiny plastic box sitting right beside the tissues. An idea popped into his head and he immediately reached ou to open it and take two of the small squares that were kept there for when the dancer wished to have some fun with someone, or just take a trip by himself. Taking one already into his mouth, Jongin returned to the couch and showed Sehun the little red heart dissolving itself on top of his tongue.

"Do you want it?" Jongin offered.

Sehun smiled as he realized just what exactly Jongin was referencing to.

"Fuck yes." Sehun opened his mouth in order to receive the drug, sucking teasingly on Jongin's finger.

After a while, Jongin lowered the brightness of the bedroom lights and moved to the bed with Sehun. They were both lost in each other again sooner than they thought, riding the high throughout the entire rest of the evening.

\--

Days turned into weeks as Jongin and Sehun kept seeing each other. They both seemed addicted to the rush of that new encounter, of the sweet burn caused by the development of a feeling so pure it almost seemed like it didn't belong in that dark cold world they both resided in.

On most of their rendezvous, they fucked like they were in a rush. However, there were some days in which Jongin found himself savoring the taste of Sehun's skin leisurely, careful as not to miss a single inch, like the other would vanish into air at the tiniest slip.

Today was one of those days.

They laid entangled on Sehun's bed this time, lazily caressing each other as the taller placed his head on Jongin's chest.

Being in Elyxion or even at his own house nowadays was starting to suffocate Jongin, for some reason, so he always begged Sehun to let him spend the night in his place instead after the performances ended. It was no surprise that Sehun was now an avid regular at the club, going there almost every day to watch the dancer do his magic under the persona of KAI.

“You put on quite a show today, by the way." Sehun told him. "You know, when I first went there, my expectations were pretty high after working on so many gadgets for you, but regardless of how many times I watch your performance, it still manages to break through all of them.”

Having these moments of sincerity with Sehun warmed Jongin's heart every time.

"Thank you, Sehun." Jongin said, smiling. "I could have never done any of that without your and Chanyeol's implants, so I owe you guys too."

"Nah, you don't owe us anything, SM Corp. already pays us enough." Sehun added cheekly.

Jongin deflated a little at the reminder that the only reason why he was stuck with those metal plates and mechanical exoskeletons from his waist down was because the corporation forced him to. Noticing where his train of thoughts was going, Jongin turned to lay on top of Sehun, kissing him intensely. After a moment too long, Sehun lightly pushed him away.

"Is everything okay, Jongin?" The man asked as Jongin frowned in confusion.

"Um, yes? Why?" The performer asked, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

Sehun brushed Jongin's neon green locks away from his face before answering.

"I feel like you're using me to run away from something." Jongin's eyes widened. Sehun got him right on the spot. "I mean, I don't mind your eagerness to fuck me, but aside from that, you've been kinda distant for the past couple of days."

Knowing he wasn't able to fool Sehun any further, Jongin collapsed on top of the medchanic.

"How could you read me bare like that?" Jongin whined.

Sehun chuckled as he patted the other's back.

"You're more of an open book than you think." He admitted, turning Jongin to lay by his side.

After a pause, Jongin replied.

"I have a meeting with my bosses tomorrow. You know, to decide our plans for the next performing season and all."

"Ah, that." Sehun stayed silent before continuing "Do you like working for them?"

This question seemed to trigger something inside of Jongin, a fear he had been pushing away for too long. His palms were sweating even before getting to reply.

"Whether I like or not, I don't think I have a choice." Jongin sighed. "Don't get me wrong, performing is my life, but, well... there are some shortcomings when it comes to SM Corp." He admitted.

"Like what?" Sehun asked, but something inside Jongin suspected that the other already knew the answer.

"The implants." At first, the dancer wasn't fond of the idea of spilling his worries on the poor Sehun. Yet, his presence brought a sense of comfort and understanding to Jongin, as if he didn't have to pretend.

Sehun looked at him with a serene gaze and slowly reached for his hand, giving the performer space to continue whenever he felt ready. For a change, there was absolutely no rush in that moment. No pressure to be or feel anything else aside from what it was real and legitimate to him.

"Sehun, I've seen so many people, still in their young age, becoming completely unable to maintain their careers because of the health problems they developed as a result of the amount of procedures they were forced to be under." Jongin could feel his eyes watering and closed them in an attempt to control the tears threatening to come out.

"There's nothing I want to do more than to keep performing for as long as I possibly can. But, like this, how can I? In two weeks I'm gonna need to change all of my gadgets again, and then again five weeks later, and it literally won't stop until I'm too fucked up to move a single limb." At this point, Jongin was a sobbing mess.

And Sehun, ever so patient, made sure to wipe away all of Jongin's tears with his thumb.

It was a known fact that SM Corp. milked their artists for profit until they could no longer provide entertainment for the people, then they were discarded. Every single corporation followed this principle. However, it wasn't until Jongin experienced this himself that he realized how damaging and self draining submitting his own flesh like this could be. As much as Chanyeol took good care of him and his implants, his body condition only worsened at each aggressive procedure, there was no denying it. The dancer noticed after every season that he was getting progressively more dependent on the mechanic parts.

And that was what worried Jongin the most.

Eventually, he was able to calm down under Sehun's hold. What Jongin didn't expect was the man's request.

"Can I tell you something? You have to promise you won't interrupt me until I finish, though." Sehun asked in a serious tone.

Jongin was puzzled at first, but agreed to Sehun's terms anyway.

"Remember when you asked me if I was a thug that night when I had the bruises?" Jongin nodded suspiciously, causing Sehun to chuckle at the way he was pouting.

"Well, before Chanyeol got me this job, I was actually a bounty hunter." A pair of comically widened eyes stared back at Sehun.

"Yeah, I ran away from home and that was the only way I found to make a living. Just like you, I felt like I was stuck to doing that for the rest of my life, but then I met Chanyeol in one of my assignments and we got close. I was already into that sort of medchanical stuff. Unofficially, I mean. Then he began to teach me some more advanced things when he saw I actually had some potential." Traces of a smile started to make their way to Jongin's face as he listened to Sehun's story.

"To be honest, I didn't even consider myself good enough back then, until a few months later Chanyeol invited me to be his apprentice. There at the clinic was where I learnt most of the things I know today, it was awesome. And do you remember our first session?" Jongin nodded in affirmation. "It was a test! Can you believe it? Chanyeol decided that that was the perfect opportunity for an impromptu evaluation, so he set me up to work on you."

"No way." Jongin couldn't hold himself back, barking out a laugh.

"Yeah." Sehun was giggling as well. "I passed, thanks by the way. After that, I was officially hired by the clinic. I missed that night of your first performance because it was my last hunt. I still can't believe I made it out of that life, but it happened."

Jongin remained quiet.

"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that even if you feel trapped, like there's no way out, it's still possible sometimes. Those things they do to you are dangerous, you know that. I’d give you merely five or six years left, so maybe quitting isn’t much of a bad idea." Sehun warned him. "Okay, I'm done. You may speak now."

"I can't fucking belive Chanyeol used me as a test subject for you." Jongin's attempt at faking annoyance just caused them both to grin.

"Well, I wouldn't be here if he didn't, so." Sehun had a point.

In a way, Sehun's words truly got to his heart. Knowing he wasn't alone in having doubts concerning his future wellbeing was somewhat soothing. At the same time, his mind seemed clearer as a sense of certainty was solidifying inside of him.

"Thank you, Sehun." Being this sincere with someone after such a long time brought some sort of security to Jongin.

"Don't worry about it. You’re too great at what you do to be wrecked just like that." Sehun angrily admitted.

“What sets me back is that I’d never have the same budget for performances again. Those top notch, bombastic special effects you saw? Gone forever.” As valid as those excuses could be for some people, they meant nothing to Jongin. They were basically a way for him to try to convince himself that perhaps he should just let things stay as they were.

Sehun, of course, was unimpressed.

“Do you really think this will matter when you literally can’t dance anymore?” The taller asked in disbelief.

Jongin didn’t answer and turned his gaze away, settling on staring at the roof. Dozens of thoughts swirled in his head as a question carrying one of his biggest fears threatened to leave his lips.

“What if…” Jongin's voice was small, almost like a whisper. “What if they forget about me? If I quit.”

This time, Sehun paused for a long moment before speaking.

“I guess when people get the chance to be known, like you are, that kind of thought truly seems scary. But if you look around you, the world is filled with people who are exactly like what you’re afraid of becoming. And they’re fine, it isn’t their fault. That’s just how the world works. Quitting or not, you, me and almost everyone will face that same fate someday. But that doesn’t mean that we’re gonna stop being important to the ones who are close to us, I think.” Sehun disclosed. “Well, that’s just my own way of dealing with these things.” 

Jongin pondered on those words for a while.

“Yeah, you have a point.” Jongin came to that conclusion. “I guess I’m just too caught up on the idea that my self worth is somehow based on my relevance as an artist. Apparently enough to even consider keeping fucking up my body just to maintain that status, because I feel like if I lost that, then I wouldn’t have a purpose anymore.”

“I don’t blame you.” Sehun comforted him. “But that brings us to the most infamous question of all.”

Looking back at the man in curiosity, Jongin frowned slightly.

“What’s your actual purpose?” Those words echoed inside the dancer’s skull, sticking themselves onto the walls as a permanent reminder of Jongin’s inability to lie to himself.

Laughing at his own despair, Jongin grabbed Sehun’s white sheets to cover his own face. With his eyes closed, he could feel the taller slowly lowering the fabric to reveal his expression once again. When he opened them up, Sehun was there, with the same seepish smirk and eye smiles, kissing Jongin’s worries away.

\--

The wind blew strongly on Jongin's red and white vests as he sat on the rooftop of the highest concrete building in the area, his own home. The evening quickly made its way into the city while the man remained stoic on the edge of the barricade, staring down at the blinding neon lights that now brought a thrilling air of excitement to the neighbourhood. That was when he enjoyed being up there the most, admiring the frantic city life from a distance.

A sound coming from under the railings made Jongin turn around to see Sehun coming up the stairs. The man smiled warmly at the sight, waving for the other to join him. 

“Hey, you called?” Sehun made himself comfortable right beside him.

Placing his hand on Sehun’s thigh, Jongin let out a long sigh. Sehun threw him a questioning look.

“What is it?” Sehun asked while interlacing their fingers together.

“Today at the meeting, they said I had to do a spine upgrade.” Jongin told him.

A few seconds of silence went by as Sehun processed what he had just heard, shock clear in his face.

“Jongin, this is insane! Why the fuck do they want you do that?” The medchanic was obviously riled up. “First of all, this procedure is permanent, because it affects your brain. Second of all, it can lead to a lot of complications if you don’t take care of yourself after. Which clearly won’t happen conside-”

“So, I quit.” Jongin confessed almost nonchalantly.

Sehun paused, blinking in confusion. Jongin wondered how many more times he would cause that same reaction from him in just one night.

“Oh.” Sehun responded, facing ahead as his lips formed a straight line.

“Yeah, they told me to either do it or leave them. After all the money I made for those fuckers.” The performer snorted in disdain.

Feeling Sehun’s body pressing against his, Jongin let himself get lost in the man’s scent.

“You’ll be okay, you did the right thing.” Sehun caressed his back in reassurance.

In the end, Jongin’s purpose was to follow his heart. And his heart belonged to music, to dance, to captivated audiences, no matter how small. That’s what granted him happiness throughout life, and that’s exactly the path he wished to follow.

It was no surprise that less than a year later, Jongin would already be touring the country alongside eight more aspiring performers Sehun had introduced him after he left SM Corp. Their new group was called EXO. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
